Quote of the Day (June 7th)

‘Happiness can be found in even the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light’.

– Albus Dumbledore
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This quote is one of my favourites, and not just because it is from one of my favourite books!

No, the reason that I love this quote is because of its pure simplicity – positivity can be found in everyday, no matter how small that positivity may be and no matter how dark and negative you find the day.

In times of depression and anxiety when the world feels like it is slowly closing in on you this can be difficult. I understand that. But even the smallest ray of hope and positivity in a world that is drowning you, can be your salvation.

Today I challenge you to find one positive , just one.

If you find this helpful, Paperchase now sell a Thankful Journal which is a journal set out for you to find the positives in each day – I highly recommend you have a look at it if this is something you find helpful. I think it is the perfect way of beginning your own recovery.

Thank you for reading

x

 

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Working and Mental Illness

First things first, living with a mental illness does not make you incapable of working; it can however, make working difficult. It is not uncommon for people living with mental illness to take time away from work, in fact it’s completely understandable. But from this I believe there is a stereotype following us around, a stereotype that portrays us as lazy individuals who do not wish to work (of course I may be wrong, but this is my opinion).

In reality, this is far form the truth. Now, don’t get me wrong I am the first to hold my hands up and say that when I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression (which happened at an interval of three years) I struggled to make it out of my house. Bearing in mind I was aged only sixteen and nineteen, therefore I wasn’t in employment but I was in full-time education – first at high school taking my GCSE’s and then at university. This might have been the case at the time of diagnosis, but since then I have held three jobs. (Not as a result of my anxiety and depression, purely because I have felt it time to move on or because I have only held a temporary contract.) I have worked and had to live with my anxiety and depression – and yes it can be difficult, but not everyday is bad.

Currently I am in a full-time job, working thirty-six hours a week, and currently I do live with anxiety and depression. These past weeks have been difficult in this department however, I would be lying if I said otherwise, but despite this I have still been waking up and going to work. I have found the past few weeks difficult, especially when I feel so low and my job requires a happy smiley face for six hours a day for five days of the week. Of course there are weeks where I am that smiley person, but this is not the case at this point in time. I feel like I am trudging and moping around (which I probably am), which I know is not really something anyone wants to see.

But for me, there is a positive I can take from this and that positive is; I got up, I went to work and I got through my day – At least I have got meself up and something rather than spending my day in my bed like I want to.

And that is how I want to end this post, on a positive I have taken from my day. To some this is insignificant, but to me it is a big thing and that is what I want people to understand. Something that can be seen as insignificant may actually be a big deal to someone with a mental illness and that needs to be respected.

Thanks for reading

x

A Dedication, An Inspiration: One Love Manchester

In light of recent events here in Britain I thought it only right to dedicate this post to not only to British people, who have proven that in times of tragedy we are strong and we are one – nothing will break this country’s spirit, we are a proud country who stands together –  Britain I applaud you, I am a proud patriot.

I am also dedicating this post to the beautiful lady that is Ariana Grande, for her unwavering love and devotion she has not only to her fans, but the whole world. She is a true inspiration not just to young girls but to everyone. She is the embodiment of love, devotion and kindness and I am in awe of her.

‘Our response to this violence must be to come closer together, to help each other, to love more, to sing louder and to live more kindly and generously than we did before.’

– Ariana Grande (May 2017)

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‘Despite all the things that have been going on in the place, I don’t see or smell or hear any fear in this building. All we feel here tonight is love, resilience and positivity’.

– Pharrell Williams (June 4th 2017)

I want to end this post by sending love to those who lost their lives in the Manchester and London terror attacks in recent weeks, and of course to their families who have found the strength to carry on.

Thank you for reading.

Let us to continue be unified in our love and strength in these dark times.

x

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Quote of the Day (June 4th)

‘Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about the things that matter’.  – Martin Luther King Jr.

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I wanted to share this quote today, as I feel it is so apt with the launch of this blog. A blog, that as I have said, has been made with the purpose of talking about mental health, an issue that will affect us all in someway – whether it be yourself who lives with a mental illness, a friend, a family member or even a colleague.

The time to speak is now. There really is no better time – and yes it can be difficult but those raw emotions are part of who you are, they are you whether you want them to be or not. We should never stay silent and be ashamed of who we are, we should embrace every piece of who you are. There really is no one quite like you!

 

        Thank you for reading,

              I send all my love, support and strength to each and everyone of you

      x

Fractured Feelings 

You may be wondering why I have decided to launch this blog now – why have I waited six years since being diagnosed with anxiety?

The answer to that is easy (and there’s actually a couple of reasons)

  1. It’s taken me a good couple of years to come to terms with the fact I’m living with anxiety and depression
  2. I’ve never really wanted to talk about it, maybe the odd post on my old blog, but nothing solely focused on this topic
  3. I feel now is the right time, this week has been one of so many mixed feelings, and I wanted to show the contrast of just this week

So this week started off so well, it’s been months since I’d had a panic attack and I’d been upbeat and in such a good mood for a few weeks – obviously this didn’t last!

Monday I ended up having a huge anxiety attack – the positive: I think I dealt with it pretty well! What I’ve found over the past year with my anxiety is that I have anxiety attacks less often, but when I do get them, they’re awful. This particular one I was out in public (which is always worse) and I felt very sick, which I don’t cope with anyway, and I felt like everything was closing in around me! Now in the middle of a restaurant obviously I knew this wasn’t the case, but that is how I felt. And because I felt so sick I could barely eat anything which was stressing me out, because normally I can eat for England – but not this day, I barely managed a few bites because otherwise I genuinely would have made myself ill! Fast forward half an hour or so and I was fine, just extreamly tired. That’s one thing I don’t think people realise with anxiety / panic attacks, they physically drain you! They may only last fifteen minutes but jeez to they make you lethargic, because at the end of the day your senses on ultra high alert for that short period of time. To be honest I can’t even remember what I did when I got home, I think I lay on my bed with a fluffy blanket and the tv on – I needed time out basically!

Skip two days and we reach Wednesday – which I was super excited about because I was going to the beautiful Chatsworth House with my best friend for the day. Despite the early start and the two hour drive to reach there it was a lovely day – the sun was shining, the house itself is gorgeous and the gardens were perfect for sitting and enjoying the sun. The actually day itself I was on such a high, loving life on top of the world high!


Then we had the two hour drive home, again this was fine. But when I got home I went from being on top of the world to being at the lowest of the low – it was such plummet and it happened so so quick, to the point I didn’t even know what to do with myself. And this is the point I want to highlight in this post – just how quick your mood can change, especially with depression and anxiety. I literally lay on bed with my iPod and a fluffy blanket (again) and sobbed, I just lay there and cried and I have no shame in that anymore. Sometimes a good cry helps, sometimes it doesn’t.

It’s now Saturday and I’ve literally dragged myself out of bed for he past three days – yes dragged! It’s all well and good people on the outside telling you to ‘just suck it up and get in with it’, it’s not that easy! These past three days I’ve genuinely not wanted to see or speak to anyone, but I’ve forced myself because I thought it’d make me feel better, but honestly it hasn’t and I think my mood is just rubbing off on everyone around me – which obviously I don’t want!

I know I’ll be fine in a couple of days, which I will update you on, because I’ll probably be a completely different person in a couple of days.

But for now, I’m not really feeling life and that’s okay.

Thanks for reading, just know you’re not alone and that everyone is fighting a battle you don’t know about. Be kind and understanding if you’re the one in the outside, just support the person you love – that’s all they need.

Welcome!

Welcome to Mental Health Memoirs a new blog launching to offer an individual perspective on living with a mental health condition. Through this blog I want other people living with a mental health condition to know they are not alone; I want people who don’t understand illnesses such as anxiety and depression, to get a greater understanding on how they can affect people; I want to break the stereotypes of mental illness; I want to BREAK THE STIGMA.

This blog is going to be updated as frequently or as infrequently as I like, because that is a true testament to mental health – it affects you in different ways every single day. You can go weeks coping so well that you forget you have a diagnosis, but similarly you can go days and weeks where it is all you think about.

I want this blog to show mental illness for all it is and not a glamorised version that the media can portray, because it is anything but. It isn’t something I’d wish for anyone to deal with, but when life deals you card you have to accept it and learn to live with it. Some days are good, others are bad – and that is what I want to show through this blog.

I want this blog to provide a supportive community for anyone who needs it. I hope you will stick by this blog and know that you are not alone.

Thank you for reading

                   x